The BEST way I get my teenagers to hang out and talk with us starts at the kitchen island and believe it or not, it’s on a Friday night. We are all sans devices and the only thing obligatory is everyone’s undivided attention. Sounds like a parent’s dream, right? Well, it’s easily one that can be turned into a reality. And in my humble opinion, I’m convicted family connection is a dying art, making it a dire necessity. My husband and I, like most parents, are battling for our kid’s attention. With social media and unhealthy relationships with phones – parents and kids alike, communication feels more important than ever. Ironically, it’s our phones that are killing that connection. Over the last 13 years I developed a foolproof recipe to cultivate family bonds and is one that only takes a few approachable ingredients.

Food and music are the foundational essentials and we sprinkle in intention, slow pace, and wholehearted presence. It’s those elements that prompt uninterrupted, genuine conversation. The key for the food and music is that it appeals to everyone – a marriage of our palates and favorite tunes. The small bites vary week to week; some weeks are requests and some are dictated by time. But by and large, they are simply my newest kitchen experiment that’s inspired by the season, a previous vacation or dream destination serving as my muse. Or relying on a either a trusted and tattered cookbook, or one fresh off the press. Regardless of its inception, my family is surprised when they walk in the door on Friday afternoons and see what’s beckoning them from the counter.

To add to the ambiance, music we all love. And while we each have our preferences – I will take anything French any day over my son’s country tunes, but ultimately relationships are about compromise. Unanimously our heart strings are pulled to the beats of Mumford and Sons or The Lumineers, so indie rock gets the most love. However, the genre of our records and Spotify stations are on heavy rotation. Just like in any quality conversation, listening is done with intent and discovery.

By happenstance, years ago I started a ritual that we now long for each week, and is a standing tradition every Friday. After years of practice, it’s something we call Friday Family Bites. As soon as everyone arrives home, all distractions are swiftly abandoned, music cued, along with an appetizer I prepared that I know everyone will love. And while we appreciate the nibbles, it’s the discussions that make this tradition shine. With teens, raw conversations are the best window into their lives.

When most kids are sending out last minute texts and finalizing their night’s plans, and don’t get me wrong, both of my teenagers are social butterflies and are often on those text strings, we reclaim one hour of the week for just us. The clock doesn’t necessarily set the pace, but rather is an intentional moment that is different than let’s say a weeknight family dinner, which is also a pivotal time for families to connect. However, this one welcomes a sense of ease, nothing rushed, and a time when we find balance in listening to one another. Words flow fluidly, emotions are on full display, and we simply relish in the comfort of familiarity of our tradition. Conversation goes until the last of the crumbs on the serving platter are eaten, or as much time as our chit chats need. While Friday’s cadence has always been the same, as the kids turned to teens, the rest of the evening sometimes transitioned to them going out with friends. Regardless, when my head hits the pillow that night, I’m relieved knowing our kitchen island hosted another cherished ritual and our kids feel a sense of belonging, confidence, and security in each one celebrated.

Quality Family Time

Serves a family, no matter the size

Ingredients

• Food
• Music
• Wholehearted Presence
• Intention
• Slow Pace

Make an approachably elevated, small bite. Add your favorite music. Show up with wholehearted presence. Listen to others with intention, relinquish the rush, and slow down. And finally, contribute to the conversation. Repeat this each week – consistency is key. If Fridays don’t work, find another time that does.